Why Elon Musk Belongs on St. Croix: Opinion
By JOHN McCARTHY / St. Croix Sun News-Satire Desk
There is an old saying passed down through generations of residents, castaways, and sun-bleached transplants across the U.S. Virgin Islands—a phrase famously championed by local economist Warren Mosler: "We’re all here, because we’re not all there."
It is the unofficial territorial motto. It explains how a island populated by eccentric visionaries, tax refugees, off-grid survivalists, and people operating on an entirely different mental frequency manages to function day in and day out.
Which brings us, quite naturally, to Elon Musk.
After reviewing recent mainland media accounts—specifically former companions discussing his late-night podcasts on Kublai Khan, his casual relationship with substance use, his apocalyptic family-planning schemes, and his bizarre text messages claiming control over ten thousand space lasers—one thing becomes abundantly clear: Elon Musk is not living in Texas or California. Psychologically, he has already moved to St. Croix. He just hasn't packed his bags yet.
Consider the evidence. Mainstream corporate boardrooms in New York and London panic over executive erraticism and non-traditional schedules. But here in the territory, a loose relationship with rigid timelines and a relaxed, live-and-let-live approach to personal choices isn't a scandal; it’s just Tuesday.
Then there is his grand plan to breed a legion of offspring to survive the impending global collapse. Plenty of people come to the Caribbean to wait out the end of the world on a sailboat or an off-grid estate in the hills. Wanting to repopulate the earth after the fallout is simply a high-budget version of standard island prepper culture.
And let’s talk about those space lasers and satellite arrays. In a territory where residents spend a fair portion of their lives fighting power grid flickers and spotty internet lines, having a neighbor down the road who claims to command orbital hardware could actually prove quite useful for our local infrastructure.
It is time for Elon to stop fighting mainland courtrooms and boardrooms. He should sell off his mainland compounds, load up his rockets, and relocate his primary digital operations right here to the hills of St. Croix. Down here, his late-night rabbit holes and wild midnight declarations wouldn't be treated as national security concerns—they’d just be standard local fare.
Disclaimer:The opinions, satellite theories, and island-relocation proposals expressed in this commentary are strictly those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official editorial stance, management policy, or operational views of the St. Croix Sun News, its staff, or its publishing company.
Watch the Video: To hear the full interview that inspired this commentary, watch the full episode on YouTube.
