The ‘Musical Question’ of the Christiansted Shutdown: Is Government House Trading ‘Jump Up’ for ‘I Do’?
U.S. Virgin Islands Governor Albert Bryan Jr. and his “partner,” U.S. Virgin Islands Deputy Commissioner of Tourism Rose-Anne Farrington, strike a pose next to Air Force One. (Photo: Facebook)
By JOHN McCARTHY / St. Croix Sun Staff Writer
DATELINE: CHRISTIANSTED — As the streets of Christiansted prepare to go dark for six hours tomorrow, a "musical question" is echoing from the West End to the Boardwalk: Who exactly is getting married that warrants shutting down the whole damn town?
Official sources say it’s for "Spring Jump Up"—the Mocko Jumbies, the steel pans, and the $8 pates. But the "Maroon 5" instinct of the local populace isn't buying the Soviet party line on this one. Between the Governor’s increasingly "indigestion-faced" press photos and the suspiciously timed road closures, the rumor mill is spinning faster than a taxi van on a Saturday night.
A Single Man’s Guide for the (Potential) Newlyweds
If the Governor is indeed preparing to transition from his "sealed" divorce proceedings to a high-society wedding at Limpricht Park, we at the St. Croix Sun have a few pieces of unsolicited advice for the happy loving couple:
On the Smokescreen: Using a "Jump Up" to hide a wedding is a classic "High-Level Person" move. It’s the ultimate 2026 camouflage: hiding a tuxedo among the Mocko Jumbies. But remember, Governor—the people can hear the wedding bells even over the steel drums.
On the "Not-smiling" Look: To the groom: Try to smile. We’ve seen the Government House photos; you look like a man waiting for a root canal, not a reception. This is supposed to be A WEDDING, not an VIIG audit of the Water and Power Authority (WAPA).
On the Honeymoon Suite: If the water goes out in the middle of the night—as it has currently in Frederiksted—don't call the Executive Director. Take a page from the Outback survival guide: keep a bucket of water handy and settle in for a "James Beard-style" cooked carrot dinner. It’s authentic, it’s "Learning Channel" approved, and it’s a lot cheaper than overrated and overpriced catering.
On the Exit Strategy: Forget the limo. If you really want to make a statement, call in a "Top Gun" favor. We know a certain Colonel who could provide an A-10 Warthog flyover low enough to rattle the champagne flutes. Any landing you can walk away from is a good one—even in a second marriage.
The Bottom Line
Whether it’s a public Jump Up or a private "I Do," the people of St. Croix are the ones left navigating the roadblocks. So, to the Governor and his potential bride: Congratulations. Just remember that while you’re "cutting the cake," the rest of us are still trying to find a "safe spot" to park in town.
Governor Albert Bryan Jr. was clearly not smiling in his last press conference: The question is: Why? (Photo: Government House)
